Edward's Dream
by fangirl371
Summary: Edward is gone in New Moon but he comes to check-up on Bella. What are his reactions to her? This is my first piece so it isn't very good. Please R&R I need some constructive criticism.


**A/N This is told from Edward and some thoughts that go through his head as he is checking up on Bella after a few months. This is my first piece so it probably isn't very good. Please R&R so I can get some constructive criticism! Please and thank you. **

**Disclaimer: *Twilight and all the wonderful characters in this story belong to Stephanie Meyer, the queen of the universe (see Twilighters Anonymous Podcast). I am just writing a fanfic to give some possible perspective to Edward. I do not own Twilight. **

Edward's POV

Despite all my potential will power, here I was. The night was dark. The old red, rusty Chevy truck was parked in the driveway. Next to it was a white and blue police cruiser. Everything was quiet. Everyone was asleep. Her scent had already filled my nostrils. I was so close, yet I knew I wasn't strong enough to leave if I were to see her again. Yet simply the thought of seeing her tainted my power to leave her. Though she was happy without me, her life was a better life. She deserved so much better than a monster like me. She must be happy without me. I had to believe that if I were to ever leave again.

Leaving again. The idea killed me. But before I had to leave again, I would get to see her. That notion healed everything. It took away all my sorrow. I lithely leaped into her window and strolled into her room. I took my usual seat in the rocking chair in the corner. Then I finally looked at her.

The first thought that entered my mind was pure, unquenchable happiness. She was the same beautiful brown-haired, brown-eyed girl I remembered. Her smell didn't burn my throat as much as I remembered. My thirst was completely controlled, despite my thirsty condition. Before I had been too miserable to hunt, so I only did so when necessary.

Though then I saw her beyond a first glance. She was restless as she slept. I remembered she normally was when it was raining heavily. Right now it was only drizzling lightly. There were dark, heavy circles beneath her eyes from many nights of restless sleep. She was extremely pale. Almost as pale, as, well, a vampire. She was beautiful enough to be one. Though I thought of her more like an angel. Her slender frame looked even more fragile and breakable. She had lost several pounds. It wasn't because she had tried to either. I knew her too well. Bella never worried about her weight.

I was extremely tempted to touch her face, to calm her rest. But if I were to see her eyes open, her beautiful face alert and peaceful, I would never leave. I would surely beg her to forgive me. Even if she had moved on. Though maybe she hasn't moved on. Maybe she loved me so much that it didn't matter if she'd thought I moved on. No, she was only human. Even if she was the most wonderful, amazing, and inspiring human I had ever met, neither she nor anyone could be capable of loving a monster like me. Especially after I had left her. She probably hated me.

No she couldn't. Bella was never capable of hatred. Her soul was too gentle and loving. Her soul. I being here was putting it at risk. I needed to leave. Now, if she was ever going to have any life at all. But I couldn't. My body knew the pain her absence would bring me. How a hole would rip me apart. It rejected the pain quickly by causing my legs to become immobile.

I decided not to think about leaving. Instead I focused on the truest of true love that I felt for her. I still wondered why she looked the way she did. What anguish had caused her to deprive herself of her basic human needs? Whatever it was, I hated it deeply. It had hurt Bella. I hated this unknown force with a frightening ferocity. I longed to take away whatever was causing her such torment. I wanted to see her face with color in it. I longed to see her in peace, restful, and content. Most of all, I wished for the impossible. I wished to see the expression on her face when she looked at me. How her eyes would magically light up. They would become bright and excited. How her genuine smile would spread across her face. How her expression would warm my col lifeless heart. She treated me like a prince, not the fiend I was. I didn't deserve a person as good and pure as Bella.

It was about five in the morning when Charlie woke up. I considered leaving, but I couldn't force myself to it. So instead I hid in her closet like the coward I was when he came to check on her. I read his uncollected thoughts.

_Hmmm…. She hasn't screamed yet. Maybe she won't this morning. Ever since Jake she hasn't screamed as much…_

Who was Jake?! Why would she be screaming? What was hurting her so much? The questions continued in my head, one after another. I discreatly climbed back into the rocking chair, staring intently at her sleeping face, hoping the answers would magicaly appear. I could get anything else to answer my questions from Charlie's thoughts. About ten minutes after Charlie left the house, she woke up. Screaming. I sat still, paralyzed by the sound. This was not just a shocked yelp. No, it was a blood curling screech that shattered my well thought self control. I couldn't resist. She was hurt and I needed to comfort her. My arms where around her. I gently stroked her cheek and pulled her close to my chest.

"Shhh Bella, it's okay. It was just a dream, just a dream. Shhh love, everything is okay." I murmured into her ear. With her so close, her smell so near, I felt complete. Like I had never left at all. How I wished that could have been true. She pulled away from me slowly to look up at my face. There was shock, confusion, then happiness, followed by doubt.

"Edward?" she whispered softly. Her deep brown eyes cautious. There was so much hope in her voice that it made everything obvious. I was the cause of her discomfort. I was the reason she had been hurt. I had hurt her deeply. It was all my fault. I hadn't helped her by leaving; I had only caused her more pain. Of course. Alice was right. The excruciating realization washed through me entirely as I found another base for my self-loathing. Maybe she still did love me after all. Maybe she would take me back after my act of wicked blasphemy.

I'm here Bella. I am so sorry. I feel so awful, for everything." sincerity penetrated my words.

"Edward!" she exclaimed, her hope turning into delight, "You still want me!"

"Of course I do. I missed you so much my love."

"You still love me!"

"Of course silly!" I was about to move down to kiss her ever so gently when I stopped. I had already gone far enough. I opened my eyes and dispelled my pleasant illusion in my head. I was in a dark, cold, wet cave in the middle of the Himalayan Mountains. The pain came. I had been trying to convince myself that Bella was unhappy without me. I had convinced myself that my absence had caused her pain. Though my over imaginative mind had even added a new character for her. Jake. Who was he? Where did that name come from? Maybe a nickname for Jacob? No, highly unlikely. He wasn't even real. None of it was real. Bella could never forgive me if she felt any regret over my absence. I concentrated on my sweet illusion instead. The details I had missed when I had actually been there. The exact shade of Bella's eyes. The certain shade of her hair. I tried to ignore the pain, missing Bella even more as each moment passed.


End file.
